Characters

Diva Beelze

Diva Beelze is an average fifteen-year old girl. She likes the color pink, her first purse, and Justin Bieber. She loves cute dresses. She may not be the smartest cookie, but she certainly is the sweetest. There’s only one problem with that.

Diva is a devil.

You see, Diva has a small problem. A goodness problem. She has these compulsions — uncontrollable urges to just be nice. She knows there must be a twelve step program, somewhere. She wonders when her parents are going to ask, ‘have you ever tried not being good?’

Clearly, the best solution is to become a superhero.

Cerby

Cerby is Diva’s best friend. She’s like Diva in every way, down to her widdle doggy gloves. Dad bought Cerby because he wanted a guard-dog, but what he ended up with was a fashion statement — and maybe that’s for the best. After all, who would suspect that Diva’s purse-pooch is an AKC* registered heck-hound?

Cerby’s full name is ‘Cerberus Maximus’, but no one ever calls her that.

*Acheron Kennel Club.

Mom Beezle

Mom is lawyer. Not just any kind of lawyer, she’s an Evil Corporate Lawyer. Yes, Mom is exceptionally diabolical, a true paragon of the devil community. So when her youngest daughter begins to display signs that she may be, well, evilly challenged, Mom is understandable aghast; Mom only wants the best for her little devil.

Dad Beezle

Dad is a talent scout. Or, at least, that’s what he calls himself — truth be told, there’s no specific job title for what he does. Dad is the guy who makes you a deal you cannot refuse. His clients include everyone from A Certain Talk-show Host to That Girl Who Married That Guy From That Band, and he loves TMZ. (He says it helps him catch up with old friends.)

You might expect him to be an intimidating fellow, but Dad is distinctly unscary. He’s big, he’s jolly, he tells corny jokes, he thinks he can fix the sink: Dad is basically like every dad since the dawn of time.

Angela Bartleby

Angela Bartleby doesn’t like Diva very much. In fact, Angela rather hates everything about Diva — from her pink hair to her yappy dog to her stupid, frilly dresses. But Angela’s most vicious loathing is reserved for something she just can’t put her finger on.

Diva is not ashamed of who she is.

Angela may have gotten straight As since preschool and been the school spelling champ for five years straight, but she is an utter failure as an angel. As much as Diva struggles to be bad, Angela is lacking in goodness. Angela is just better at hiding it.

Gabriel Bartleby

Gabriel is Angela’s older brother. He hasn’t spoken a word since second grade, which is probably in his best interest in at least one respect: he’s not sure how to tell his little sister that he likes her worst enemy. A lot.

Michelle

Michelle Serafino is a seventh-grade tomboy. She loves sports and is addicted to World of Fantasy XVI, which should make her the natural enemy of all things girly and pink. Instead, she and Diva have struck up what might be called an “unholy alliance”, a friendship that constantly tempts Diva to join the light side. (Which is kind of like the dark side. For a devil, anyway.)

Virgil

Mr. Virgil is the school guidance counselor. He’s got his eye on Diva for reasons entirely unknown to her — he has an uncanny knack for showing up when she is up to no good.

If that wasn’t enough to creep her out, there’s also the fact that he isn’t a devil or an angel.

Tia

Tia (short for Tiamat) is the eldest of the unfortunately named Beelze girls.

A freshman at the historically demonic Crowley-LaVey University, Tia is double majoring in business and seduction.